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sea foam sorceress menagerie

spell to me again of your tragedy
how your scar tissue is butterfly food, something magical
and brief like
caged hummingbird hearts whipping like lashes,
tinsel glass features
and a critically strong jaw
recovery
is me ensnared in your veins
shining brightly, ironically through the gravity and density of the dark nature of the creature that lurks
and curdles there, staring
bloodshot fantasia
a scream on pause, something like hallelujah being fed to me
through a rat’s water bottle
the bedtime fists of stars are falling again
in my hair
a lavender neverland and an unsucked thumb

tell me again why elbows always make sense
why loving you feels like dying
slowly, vulnerably
with the moon on my face
on a stage
ripping a big princess skirt to shreds, my eyes swollen with song
and agoraphobic symphony
bruises are nature’s eyeliner
they swoon as i bleed

i just wanted to remind you
i don’t exist without you
without being a martyr about it

really
i wish you would end me
stab your keyblade
through the heart of me
and let me rust with loving you

my scissor hands would only
ruin the perfect angel snow
that is you
there is something so grave in the skin of your eyelids,
so peaceful


i wanted to be your doom
the mermaid pussy siren spotlight
waltzing one sad sailor
in time to his dying
to an afterlife prettier than i could ever imagine with this sky that has beheld such horror
weighing on me
the statue of my prince
dragging me to jade veined
sea bed depths
his light can never know


here i am again
ever your willing sacrifice
in the name of truly inspired love

a tattoo of what we could have been inked forever
in vain
on the prison cell ceiling
of your imagination, such pain so beautifully ignored

starlust, starthirst, stardrunk on you

~

the clouds are jesus fish scales
satellite half moons
braided into the sky’s hair
like flowers at the bottom of your dream sea’s ocean,
simpering over our tangled skeletons in blurred angel focus
from another century
another world
where love was not a word
it was each other
your fingers tangled in my forever,
mine rooted in your soul
making us dandelion crowns
as you kissed the back of my neck, every star in my constellation of shoulder freckles
studying eternities tremble in my frail soft bones in my breast, skin glowing with heart ink and fondness, eyelashes faded blonde from peering into the horizon with you
the urgency i feel now
to become the shadows
and darkness that show you your light,
it was calmer in your arms
seraphic and wise


you’ll be our halo perhaps,
and i’ll be the wings

your agile veins a gateway drug to the elixir that runs through them
like silver linings through mountains of ghost mist,
kindred souls lost in a crowd
of unseeing faces and hearts


i don’t know what tomorrow brings,
but if you’ll be there, so will i

a muse
is every reason to be

i will not waste you
i refuse
i will drink of you daily
and have red lips again,
blushing crushed satin strawberry and sunsets drowned in memory milk baths, tea rose petals
gathered at the bottom of a bathtub, your fortune is dying to touch a little mermaid garden to your smile
i wish to remember it
memorize it
catalogue it in the banks of my existence across realms and centuries where time is just a wrinkle to be smoothed from
our bedsheets
be its reason to be

sweet slipping dew eyed virgin,
you are secondhand lullaby smoke
and sharing a kiss with the rain
you are the sweetness of the fact that such a being exists
under the same heavens that i do
you are two drops of water on my window becoming one
you are hallelujah in my lungs
beethoven in my used book spine
you are amethyst haze and dandy lion wine,
you are egyptian cat god stares
a stairway to fountains of elysium
and dragon skulls filled with tulips
you are the perfume of tears and lavender mint in my hair
a telegraph to the future on dizzy petal pissed stationary
you are my upturned wrists
in mourning prayer,
my pleasantly obscene messiah
you are more forgiving mornings
art in the trees, paint drying on bark
you are so fucking precious
to me you are
you are you
are
you are.
how can you possibly be?

just
please don’t leave me
tomorrow either


or drug me first. knock me over the skull with an amnesia coma
and take my voice with you,
too


my chest is full of you
a hummingbird song
a fire
lighting the words you wrote on my inside caves
and my gravestone
so long ago,
so very long ago


“i am in you”
(because i want to be)
immortally
half realized like a mirror without a reflection
i became a thrusting
wild thing garden,
you never let me go thirsty for blood,


beloved


x

plastic doll monkey house

i burned my dollhouse
so you couldn’t
cut myself
so you wouldn’t
hated myself
so you couldn’t

i love you madly
but i shouldn’t

forget me and forgive me.
i’m just a little girl with lost eyes
and a paper bag soul,
soft thighs to kiss and strangle you

do you love me yet, daddy?


xo

making snowflakes out of skin and hearts

affection is not in your vocabulary
nor is love
there is this empty void inside me
once filled with tears
wracking sobs that shush and cradle, stabilize and criticize
pointing a witchy finger at me for feeling something less than nothing,
how until you emotions shone through me
glaring light
fingering the tattered lace of my voice,
wrecked with singing my disgrace trying too hard to become your grace
not really a part of me
just the whisper of my ghost

now i am stagnant silence
much like the disease in your veins
the absence of a lullaby
i remember better than my mother’s lizard tongued kiss
good night
you’re laughing yourself to sleep
giving me a migraine
a blurry vision of holes in my skulls like polka dots
and your nails on the left calculating side of my brain,
notches in bed posts and tally mark arithmetic
speaks to me of the dread bells
i must dull
the wind chimes of broken backed
monsters with clarity’s eyes made for only one
that one there with the black ice aura and a gypsy eye that never closes

i thought myself doomed
to be alone
misunderstood
forever
take another pill
drown out the voices
the hysteria that was once my playground, a merri-go-round
of all the faces i have worn and cracked
became a circus,
me the lone freak
worshipping the lord of lies
and wondering why i could never be his favorite fly

i had to find a way to bleed you out of my system
take scissors to your web
of sickened silk
cauterize my fucking arteries
become that cold stare that would curdle milk
walk lucidly through this nightmare
a hall of glistening listening shame
for we were only just a game
i never had a chance
of winning


the joke was on me all along


i had to learn to become a mosquito
leaving vampiric love bites
wherever i slink
sinking a bloodthirsty tongue into wounds, drawn to sweet skin
and dragon tattooed
southern men with eyes the color
of my first love’s
he was a phoenix
who blew himself up on an october and his tears were the rain on my face
veins that hum like his angel
and sing to me
my answered prayer and birthday wish
and you laughed at me for praying
silly girl,
you have no need for god now

i always found graffiti beautiful
and strength in silver thread
where i will make my bed
of wildflowers and incense
i find myself smoldering and molting
to the dreaming of the dead

i came from a dragon’s womb after all

*aheathen sweat

the tragic necessity of white lies

how am i?
i don’t know how to answer that
should i tell you
that i’ve envisioned
and battled
5 unique suicides this morning?

1. masturbating on the train tracks
5 minutes before it comes every day at 12:03 pm
clawing at my insides
like an inside out child
with chicken pox
wearing all black
and a kabuki mask
squirting everywhere
my orgasm
will become the temporary
hot spot for flies
as my soul sighs
and disintegrates like smoke
in french, a small death

2. like virginia woolf
determined to be in control of just one fucking thing
strangers adoring my words
but ignoring that the print
is my weeping wounds
black dreamlands bled into crisp white paper
my beauty,
my pain breathing on their mind until the story leaves them
that i want more than anything other than release
to leave claw marks
on their scarless backs
i want them to carry
my pain
with them like a disease
cradle it like a babe
especially my loved ones,
they do not see me
i feel like a ghost
even when i make it a point
to look into their eyes,
i see pity, mistrust, fear,
sometimes guilt
and they quickly look away
before i can scorch some meaning
into them
that loving is the only reason
to breathe
and sometimes that isn’t enough
that i’m sorry
and i’m not

stones in my pockets,
i’ll feel much lighter
smile, truly smile, for the first time in months
maybe years
time is an enigma
i just know that you carry years
of horror
like bags of bricks
dragging me down
as i drown, my hair
dancing around me like flowers
in the breeze
my last poem will float to me
as a stray ray of light

"it was selfish of you to love me
to let me love you
when i couldn’t love myself
if you had truly loved me,
you would have heard me scream
in my dreams
in my awakening,
dawning cat & tonic catatonic
far away eyed smiling mask
that pleased you so
you would have put a pillow
over my sweaty face
screwed in torment
said a prayer and
let
me
go”
left unheard by still deaf ears
and wet dumb eyes

3. i’ll write every poem left in me
scurrying away from me
like spotlighted mice
i’ll delete every trace of my voice
my sob
my art
my soul wrenched loving you all
gather it in a pile
with sticks and branches
surrounding it with all the stones that broke my bones
and all the words that hurt me
more than any 2x4, lead pipe, knife, black bruises and eyes,
or betrayal

i’ll torch it like scarlet fever
inflicted velveteen bunny rabbits
and join them in their dance
until it rises a foot above me
then i will embrace their reaching
arms,
join in their rejoice
their masochistic peace
and burn

like the witch i am
and my sisters and brothers before me

4. simple and cold
freezing tap water and a bathtub
empty as i am inside
except for me and a knife
daisy heads floating
no notes
no goodbyes
no bullshit
i’ll slit my throat
a shocking red open ended ending
always the boundary shrugging beauty torn like fistfuls of rose buds from a sneering ex
frantically
like the lyrics of a rape victim’s clothes and violated heart
shoving live and wriggling
imagery down
your throat like bitter horse pills
even if you beg and plead with me
“NO. NO! PLEASE GOD, NO.”
the perfectionist and sadist in me, the need to be understood
the disturbed clarity
all collaborating
desperate to reflect my mind’s eye
my constant struggle to convey that perfectly mirrored scene
finally realized

5. a landslide of pills
and a january wonderland
made of clouds and wings,
flushed and blushing cheeks
snowmen that never melt


i wonder sometimes their reaction
if i actually answered honestly
showed my soul’s bruisings
how my mind is a torture machine
custom built for me
how tragedy and abuse
is my shadow
that everything i touch
ends up hating me
that i am cursed
a fool
hideous
king monster
that the devil fears the killer
that lurks within me
silent and smirking
my blood bubbling
in the girlish giggles
of the irrevocably insane

i wonder if they’d hold me,
frown and pat my shoulder
shrug it off
like lemon in their water
when they requested none

or call it the authorities
in some hidden corner
send me to some white solitary
robot hell
like the one from my childhood
given only crayons and paper
non-toxic, of course
no sound, no human voice
only the whir of cameras
my singing and screaming and laughing and dying sounds
the sound of the slot opening
waiting for my tiny arm
and IV to slip through
so they could perform more test
experiments
without breaking my solitude
convinced i’m the only little girl
left in the world
and god is a machine
not knowing my crazy
paid my grandmother’s bills
until the dayshe looked at me
through the double sided glass
and i touched my hand to it
saw her somehow
and sang to her she is still my sunshine, only sunshin
and she stole me away
into a day that blinded me
told me she thought
they were helping me
didn’t know
as she convinced me slowly
over weeks
i wasn’t dreaming
this bed is real
there are billions of people
living their lives
skinning their knees
talking and texting
crying over split milk
or a fallen ice cream
making love
dying
carrying on
typing typing typing
helloing how-are-youing
never really seeing

my grandmother is all i have
and i see death hovering over her
with an umbrella
my rain pounding like fists
upon it
please don’t take my sunshine away

every morning i wake up and wonder why
until i see the flowers
she left on my dress
daisies
my favorite
and feel the strength
my hugs give her,
the joy i receive from helping others, listening with my heart,
being there, making them laugh
despite the gloomy sundays
and widow’s melancholy
that clings to me like a tight dress

you wave your hand in front
of my face
“oh… sorry about that.
i’m fine. how are you? you look absolutely beautiful.”
yada yada yada
i stuff away the me
no one wants to see
and keep walking somehow


i’m fine
is the biggest lie i’ve ever told
i’m sorry for lying
besides love,
i believe most in truth


now tell me. really.
how are you?

delilah in mourning: dead girl diary entry #1

i want you to devour me

your sex sticky spun around me
like sugar
putrid pink and dissolving
the colors all bleed into black

disintegrate into your psyche
like baby dolls in acid
why is it the eyes always go last?

my spine is sprouting spiderwebs
and it’s almost time for tea
scissors in hand,
i curtsy like a treble clef scream
dabbing blood from my lips
and white snow above my lip

"I heard it’s your birthday. i hope you like red velvet."

seven princesses propped up
in pegasus wing backed chairs
my clockwork beauties
stitched shut pouts hiding
perfectly shaped teeth
they are all dream tissue
and chloroform fatigue
clocks ticking in place of their hearts
each one pretty
as a summer peach
skirts alive as orchid blossoms
pink organs displayed
like inner petals
i slam my fist on the table
rattling the daisy splattered china,
“WHY DON’T YOU SPEAK?!”

7 candles lit,
7 wishers dead

i let them burn themselves out
vomiting butterfly wings
and swan song reverie
deviled debauchery
i did this for you
i love you
i’m sorry
all i have left are the pitchfork and torch toting voices
in my head
a gauzy memory of you
playing my sorrow like a harp
that i only imagined

i untie the red ribbon around my neck
with numb fingers and
deft hands
used to fingerfucking demons &
romancing the neck of my sweet voiced violin,
pulling your shadow like a thread
and weaving it into arms of dusk to hold my chin up
embrace the monsters in me

i blink once or twice
sober and sad
and plunk!
rolls my head
into the cake

if you looked into my eyes,
you would see worlds of pain
fathomless
depraved, defeated
the last light i left on for you
extinguished

i’d like to think you’d kiss my smile

fuck you, sleeping beauty

eternal sleep

a divine gift for a
sick coma princess
like me

she dreamt
dew stained meadows
the petals
were butterflies windswept

this glass coffin lets in too much sunlight

damn, this high is beautiful

i’ve got clouds in my veins

and my eyes became my lips
when you kissed me
i could envision myself
six weeks later
putting a cigarette out on my tits
to feel some new pain thrill
but still,
my heart proved more sore
than the burn
i saw me using your promises of forever
as a bookmark
tear splattered pages
and always a sad ending

nirvana
for a masochist

and still i sucked your tongue
like it was your dick
jamming into my fat thigh
i clawed and pleaded
with the sad muscles of your back
a premonition of you leaving me
in my desert
of pain butterflies and dead eyes
where no other soul exists

i have always
found werewolves tragic
can’t you see
humanity is the curse
not the moon hungry beast
there are novels
of heartsickness and ghosts and belonging
in those haunted howls
i am envy
all i have are these
mute scribblings
sprinkled with glitter and piss
and tulip ashes

i wish i could tell you i hate you and mean it
that i face the sunshine smiling
sober
that i don’t think of you when i masturbate in the shower and cry
sickened with my body
envisioning softly healing scars
and bats shredding your eyelids

by moonlight,
i am a baby swan
circling an empty pond
avoiding my ugly reflection

this isn’t happening
you were never real
i am a clumsy dream
you imagined out of bored cruelty

i want to kiss the hands
of the man that handed me
this sweet little coma white package
all my happiness
stapled
into one pharmacy bag

this high is as smooth as my skin
and i want his hatred all over me
he isn’t a virgin to insanity
he isn’t a machine
he is blood and guts and venom
and berlin speaking walls
pain flowers
that smell so sweet and familiar
that i weep
a god that barely knows i exist

you would hate him

i was a creep to love you,
to hold your small rough hands
and believe the lies in your eyes

i bet if you looked
into my eyes now
they would be dead, staring
firefly-less

i’d be shaking and stuttering smelling like sex
smiling like billy bibbit
before
he slit his throat


fuck.
i’m coming

down
now

the meaning of magic



i felt your breath upon the book
of my heart
stirring the pages into a blurred and beautiful frenzy
you licked your fingers
and caught the page with your name upon it
that you had written in your blood
centuries before
you handled me like a fairy in a blizzard
cupping your hands around me
and exhaling life into my veins
defrosting my lips
so that they might smile again
for you alone
or call to you in the wilderness
laughter ripe on my tongue
so that we might meet by a fire
and burn as one
the dazzling colors of a flame are meaningful
magical
unfocused
i have never before seen them perfectly painted
because it is alive
perhaps best described
as how your hand fits perfectly
in mine
and our souls dance
as if they were meant to
because they were
my gently throbbing god
you were a carpenter
and i was your masterpiece
i was a prophet
and you were my vision of ever endearing enduring light




but then it hits me
the loneliness of my bare shoulders
the empty spaces that sicken
and my ceiling is just a ceiling
when i look at it with less than godly eyes
not a celestial sky
a technicolor dream world
waking is inevitable

i always have loved fairytales
and their origins

the tragedy
the sacrifice

the end

pain envy

i want stigmata
and a rumpled dress

slip it up my thighs
and misunderstand me some more

why didn’t rapunzel

just shave her fucking head?
because she really liked crying
(duh)

climb my hair like ivy
i can be a tower




just jump

in my hair and in my thoughts

i sent you a dream telegraph
so you could hear my thoughts
the voices of the stars
falling in my hair
is opium smoke
fanged and staring like medusa snakes

selfless sinking paper boats 
carrying my voice to you
on a sea of words
angel light on a stranded beach
the sea 
like looking through pink champagne



i was busy beheading god
on my mattress
climbing alphabet castles
with the dexterity of a wolf
teasing my claws with your lips
drinking my fill of the devil’s blood
your fickle philanthropy wore me out
and your tongue is
caught in my eruption
my words play doggy style


now i am
sifting through volcanic ash
for those fucking stars
tiny sing song whimpers
floating through the ether
a slippery seraphim
i’ll wait for you to sleep
and come to pray


with a
black light brain
veins fluorescent
unbridled
cover my body in paint
hold you
electric blue lips
forever on your pocket
held captive in fibers

over your heart

i don’t know that you’d recognize me 
tell me
what color is sin?
what color are my teardrops
when they fall on the forest floor?

i am upturned palms
and empty hallways
the child in the attic
i am a cracked skin desert
and you are all thunder and lightning
no rain

eyes in love with the clouds
praying for scars to trace
to kiss
praying to fumble
and fade


i want to work my way inside you,
my cruel
numb god
i want to shiver and shame you
i want fantasy novels written on my arms
tickle me with your sadistic pen
i want wuthering heights
i want someone to understand
i want romeo and juliet to never have met
i want to travel to russia in my bathtub
i want to stagger
i want to be tamed
i want dylan thomas to write about me
i want to stop falling
i want to sit on your face
i want to bury lolita in her white ankle socks
i want slow suicide and a symphony
i want to ring the bells of notre dame
i want to eat the crumpled poetry in your trash 
be the muse of your poetic failings
some cum dumpster heroine
break bread with itching syllables
fuck them
fuck 
fuck transcendence

i want to burrow
and burn


and when hope is a hallucination

to fall in love 
with a god
is to die on your knees







i fear for you
because you thought to love me

*title borrowed from the lyrics of the song “DLM” by the extraordinary James Blake

how to swallow your tongue

i can’t take the pretty things these days

the weightlessness of heaven’s sigh when the stars are heavy
on our backs
my soul is a bruised thing
i want to scoop out the light
and give it to your midnight

where have you been today, dear sick god?
my sweet eyed demon
i know you aren’t mine 
and likely never will be
but i can make pretend
i can smell the hymen on your breath
the pains you take to reach inside
thick skulls
leave seeds of truth
of acceptance
of illness
to blossom in your absence

i want your hands around my throat
so that you can you feel my heart
clawing frantically to be inside you
hypnotized by the slither of your tongue
a willing sacrifice
squeeze my heart like a lemon
my blood lapping at your wounds
i want to drip down inside
chase the drugs in your veins
i want to make you feel something
part my skin and muscle
like cobwebs
feel my love sleep in your hands
the ghost of you curled inside my heart
at one with
the silence of your bones

your words are a subtle smoke
enveloping me
calming the wrathful bees
in my head
to a gently swelling music

i will make my pain a monument
a temple of scars and ruin
carve my soul into your likeness
and pray
for your mercy
your voice, your indulgent hazy flow
your steadiness
wisdom
i pray
for you

to indulge me

i want the lonely fire behind your eyes to consume me
i struggle
just to make the ropes burn

the feeling has come back to my lips, and i’m afraid
when that happens
i’m afraid of talking
feeling things
of making sense
and still being misunderstood

do you see

death is a traitorous stab of bright
that impaled us both
once
cold calculated fingers reaching in
taking what we were naive enough
to call ours
tracing trails of tears like punctuation
to hearts better left unloving
unlacing the fallacy of restraint
not facing each other
chasing the same high that always lets us down
reality comes crashing back
and with it the sound
of breaking

suffering and loss made you a god maybe
strengthened your resolve
but i fear it just made me lost
it made me into a poet
stringing together chains of shadow puppets and the frail intestines of hope
wanting someone to sit next to me
to watch
to hold my hand

i want to touch the moon stitched up in your belly
that i’m afraid you can’t see
sew it a smile
with numb fingers
give your lips one to match

but for now
i dream
in your secondhand disease
kissing the shadow of your footsteps
stalking your song

holding onto where you touched me when no one else could
and wondering if you know what it is
you took


i will never be the same

ever









i pray next
you’ll take my words

the beauty in the fracture

heaven is spilling into my spirit

you punctured a hole in me
and sucked the poison out
a wound
to let the rain in to kiss my skin
like a cold stab of shadow
and unbearable light

i want to eat your suffering
like cotton candy
have it melt on my lips
rot my face
and dreams of the circus
dancing bears and weepy clowns

i dreamt we hunted a unicorn
painted in soft lilacs by the never ending twilight
she touched her gilded horn
to our tattered heavy hearts
made them new
after,
we feasted on her blood
sweet as honeysuckle wine
the color of her smiling eyes
dripped from our chins
onto nipples erect
tickled by avalon mist

mother moon drank of our nectar
and
we danced like we had no bodies
like nobodies
only souls
saints grown lovely and wicked
 in our madness
in the forgiveness of night,
you taught me to be my own muse
that all labyrinths aren’t 
meant to be
solved

albino fawns blanketed us 
when finally we slept
and we woke with bare eyes
that had never cried
until that moment
i grew dizzy
with the salty warm taste
your sorrow turns to sunshine on my tongue
reminding me of the accepting arms of melancholy
like a gentle mother
how akin it is to bliss

how you moaned into my mouth
like an angel growing wings
thrusting painfully from beneath
baby warm flesh
blinding me
a raw lunged scream imploding
my womb blossoming in atomic orgasm 
i washed you in a river of nectar
and finally,
 the song of your heart
against my temple
a symphony
you crown me with kisses
and i baptize you with flowers
touching them to your scars 
the voice of god
is a violin 
i think

there are a thousand novels in
my bunched fist 
pinned between our chests
as smoking lips tingle
tangle
like wire transferring electricity

i was lost before you found me
but instead of looking for the road
you grabbed my hand
pulled me to the heart
of this bewitched forest
not even the passing of seasons can
penetrate
you are content in my hysteria
a snow drifted mind dyed the color of blood and poinsettias 
we will grow wilder together
lose words altogether
until there is nothing
 to separate us
but heaving chests

and a desire
 to melt
all over again

whimper

my heart is a dusty scabbed crow
slip your wrists betwixt the cracks of my ribs
and squeeze the life
out of this caged voiceless bird
it is frightened of the straw men
it is shedding feathers 
otherworldly soft
make yourself a bed
bring me to your mouth

peach pouting lips demand 
you inhale one last kiss
from me

and
a peacock tailed phoenix
will rise between us
press her wet god eyes to our limbs
and our skin 
it will become new like the moon
where my love made a garden 
of lust
bluebells that droop and sway like us
mingling with the angst of wildflowers
gathering dew earrings and pixie dust ceremony
the colors are swirling, intoxicating
the thorns are sadists

our appetites are twinkling auroras
in a smooth matte sea of black
our desire
silver bell chimes arguing with the wind


you are the god of thunder
the shadow that ran away
from its owner
banging on storm drains to feign something melodious
and me,
i am lightning in a noiseless white dress
stalking your senses like static 
a chill of angel hot ice up your spine
innocence’s eulogy
whispering prayers into your neck

together,
we will make it rain
or die thirsty
and alone

together,
we will make music

my heart is red and wet
crushed
not velvet
clay

shape me

make an instrument of my pain
and play her mournfully
like a harp
while i carve you into a living poem
with the sharpened end of my tongue

i’d read you forever
if you’d have me
memorize your every scar like braille
create our own language of flooding energies and kisses
my fire reaching into your darkness
giving us enough light to see 
each other’s eyes

when i give,
you take
where you go,
i follow

unless
i can’t
in which case i’ll whimper by the door
until you’re home again
or

attempt the impossible

to write you something
as beautiful and true
as you are to me

to give you the moon on paper



we can feed it to the flames

of tempests, amethysts, and atheists

i.
you told me once that prayer should be a conversation,
not a soliloquoy
i was dreaming,
and you whispered it in my ear
like heaven offered to me on a sword

it made me want to drink your blood
like it is the key to my everything
decrypting violet thunder
stalking the storm
pregnant with thirst


somewhere your pain is birds flying out of my mouth

communion
ii.
stern tempered heathen,
i kissed your jaw once
when i made you breathless enough to feel me
a flurry of numb lips
sobering
i tried to scoop the moon out of the water
swallow it
something to fill this
void
where you should be

you are a gargoyle in my midnight garden
overgrown with a labyrinth of wildflowers 
my insane garden
my soul
we are tangled
i don’t wish to be free
i want to become unrecognizable
to all but you


but sometimes a pumpkin is just a pumpkin, princess
and soot
is just that

and





iii.
the clouds hurt sometimes
because you’ve lain on them



i wish i could tell you how painful it is
to be your shadow

but maybe you know






iv.
i want to drink you like amnesia
and leave clawmarks





v.
i think a fairy died tonight.





vi.
i’ll leave the candle burning
so you can watch me sleep. i fell asleep praying
to the mirror
again




my god,
you’re beautiful